When you make a parenting decision, are you fully behind it?

photo“Mummy, I don’t want to go”

“You love playing with R. You both giggle so much”

“But I don’t want to go to the woods. Its SNOWING. Its COLD.”

“Its Monday. We go to the woods”.

Normally that would be the end of it. But it wasn’t. It continued right up to dropping her off in soggy, snowy, cold woods. Why? She could sense my weakness. I was trying to be strong, trying to be the “parent” who makes decisions for the greater good. But….it was snowing. It was cold. I wouldn’t want to be out there.

That is why Missy M wouldn’t drop it. I was not 100% behind my conviction, not being 100% authentic, and she knew, deep down that there was something she could try to work with.

So if your child is being very demanding or trying to get you to change your mind or decision, is it because you are not 100% in agreement with yourself? Why have you made that decision? Is it a good one, or was it made in haste and under pressure? Can you make any changes to the situation to bring yourself more in alignment with it?

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3 Comments

  1. You really naiiled that situation when the child demands that you change your mind. Sorry to tell you this, but it gets more challenging as they grow older and learn to debate. “NO, because I said so, just won’t cut it.”

    I had never realized that perhaps I was not 100% convicted myself. A greater challenge is when the other parent has 0% conviction. Now, there is a conflict. Can you address that one day please?
    Malika Bourne recently posted…Welcome NewcomersMy Profile

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    • Missy M does put some good cases sometimes, and if she displays some really great, out of the box thinking, that solves the problem for both of us, I will change my mind. It will be interesting to see how this involves!

      That is a good idea for a post – how to parent when, as a couple, you have really different ideas on what “parenting” is. I have a client at the the moment who is working through this issue. Thank you for the idea!

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  2. i forgot to make one more point. the home situation with parents and children is a TESTING GROUND for the real world. as a parent i possess the power (as having more life experiences than my teenager) to try to teach him and prepare him for real life. ex. keep your room clean=your wife wont tolerate a slob, do home work and hand it in on time=the boss wants the file on his desk by 9 monday morning, get yourself up and out of the door on time for carpool=the airplanr leaves at 9 AND WILL NOT WAIT FOR YOU! I think you get the picture.
    Wayne W. Adams recently posted…No last blog posts to return.My Profile

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